"MY DADDEEE!"

Gak! It's been almost a month since my last blog entry.

I've got an excuse though. I wasn't changing any diapers for a couple of weeks because Jack was in New York with his Mommy and I was in Denver. This real dad was real lonely, packing up our lives in Denver while Emily started her new job and Jack got to know his cousins and maternal grandparents.

I couldn't believe how much I missed him. I mean, I knew how much I'd miss him, but I didn't realize how bad it would feel. I didn't care about the house, about showering and shaving regularly -- OK, wait a minute, I don't care about that stuff as much as I probably need to anyway -- I didn't eat quite as regularly as I should have....I just missed my son. And my wife, don't get me wrong, but the difference was I knew she knew where I was and why I wasn't there. I didn't know that about Jack.

For a couple of days we tried to have me talk to Jack on the phone and it only went so-so. He'd listen at the phone, apparently, and smile, but it wasn't clear that he understood what was going on or that it was me. And then after they'd called me at lunch a couple of days, the phone rang around that time, and it was Emily's sister Cathy explaining that they brought Jack into have his lunch and he pointed to the phone and said in a loud voice "TALK TO DADDY!!!!" And so they called me, and he babbled a bit, and I asked what was going on, and it was great.

So I came here after about 10 days apart, and the plane was delayed so Jack wasn't awake when I got here, but I peeked in on him, and he looked so much bigger, and then the next morning Emily got him and brought him down and although he seemed a bit uncertain, he wasn't afraid of me or anything I was worried about. In a very short time, I think, it was like we hadn't been apart, and he was bringing me toys and telling me to "Sit, Daddy, sit," and we played with Legos and I read him books and put him to bed and all that. And after a couple of days if I left the room or was away I could hear him explaining his feelings and needs in no uncertain terms:

"Myyyy Dad-deeeeeee!"

Yesterday we went to the Park ("Daddy ....Park" he informed me), and rode on the slides, and ran around the jungle gym, and he pointed out butterflies. Today we went to get his haircut, and while we were waiting at the barber -- who had a picture on the wall of him cutting hair from probably 40 years earlier -- Jack climbed in and out of the leather chairs, and I pointed out that they were slippery, to which he responded with peals of laughter...he liked the term "slippery." Got his haircut, came back and had lunch, he had a nap, and in the afternoon we read a book and played with some toys and I realized how much I'd miss him when I went back to Denver for another couple of weeks to finish packing up the house and drive back.

Moments when I wonder why we're doing this and if it's worth it, there are moments like today, late afternoon, when he and his cousin Reanna were downstairs in the basement, playing with a toy kitchen, making plastic toy breakfast. I heard Reanna, who's six, yell and clap "breakfast! Yay!" and I heard Jack say "Yay" and they spent the next half hour or so just playing with the toys. And then they both came running up the stairs and jumped on the couch, and Jack's face was bright and beaming up at his cousin, and I said, yeah, it's worth it.