Day care

It's Kate's birthday tomorrow. And then Monday, she starts day care.

I know parents feeling guilty about bringing their children to day care is a cliche. and the fact that Jack has been going there almost his whole life and we think it's been great for him makes it seem particularly silly. But I do feel guilty, and worse, I think I'm going to miss having her around.

I work from home, and it's a challenge with her here full time, as she's always been. I work during her naps, and then I work late at night and sometimes early in the morning. I manage. Her not being here will make it easier on me, so I won't be sitting here working at 10 at night on Friday.

But, she also won't be here to make me laugh by laughing.

To crawl over to me and force her way into my arms or lap.

To do her little dance while holding onto her table, listening to some silly music.

To pull all of Jack's toys off his shelves that I'd just put back half an hour earlier. To pull all the magazines off the coffee table, one by one, that I'd just finished stacking there an hour earlier.

To make her hourly beeline for the stairs, where she'd start to crawl up them, stop, and look at me, as if to say, "Better come get me, or I'm going to crawl up the stairs. Look, I'm on the second one. I'm not stopping. Still going up." And then I go get her.

To inhale slices of avocado at lunch.

To greet me with a big smile and giddy laugh at her crib when I go to get her after her nap.

To soil her diaper within 10 minutes after I changed it.

To kick me while I change her diaper.

To go to the supermarket with me and draw oohs and aahs from the checkout ladies and other customers. To sit patiently in the cart while I'm picking out corn or fruit or bread.

To join me when I go pick up big brother Jack at day care.

To sit, enraptured, while I read Dinosaur's Binkit, or Moo Baa La La La. Then to protest if I don't start reading again.

To yell at me from her high chair if I'm not bringing her food quickly enough and there's a few seconds when she has no food in front of her. She actually yells.

To crawl to me, either happy or sad or angry. Again and again and again.

I think day care will be good. I think I need to get work done during day time hours, and maybe even get out on my own every once in a while to go to the gym or something. I think she needs to interact with other babies and toddlers, other little kids (I don't know a lot of Moms to have play dates with).

But I'll miss her. I miss her already. I think she'll be going home early sometimes, just so I can have her with me to keep me from working, and make me smile.